Thursday, November 17, 2011

I am. I am. I am.

I woke up this morning feeling like something precious was being taken away from me. I felt overwhelmed and bitter about the simple truth that sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it to. No matter how much you cling to hope or build brittle plans, things can just fall apart. You'd think this would be something I've accepted by now, but the truth is it never gets easier. You can know something utterly and completely and still feel surprised by the pain new losses always bring. And no matter how much you tell yourself it can never happen, a want unfulfilled always stings with that special combination only desire and longing can bring.

So no my day did not start out well, but then something wonderful happened.

I had one of those moments where, from somewhere deep inside, you find the strength to do what needs to be done. The courage to say the words that need to be said. And the reminder that you will survive this moment just as surely as you've done before and will probably have to do again. In that moment I finally understood Sylvia Path's simple words, "I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am."

And it was beautiful.

6 comments:

  1. I just want to give a shout out to my wonderful friends who never cease to amaze me and helped me find something I keep giving up too freely: My sense of self. I don't know how I got so lucky. :)

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  2. Those moments are beautiful. I'm glad you are finding them!

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  3. Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT! I love it. "I am. I am. I am." You ARE, and that's a damn good thing to hold on to.

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  4. I sometimes envy the ability to share oneself like you do. Often times, I retreat into myself when things go wrong.
    I'm glad you don't :-)

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  5. Thank you Mac! Sometimes I share a little too much haha.

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