I don’t talk about parenting very often because part I think it’s pretty boring for the most part, but sometimes there are days where I just don’t know what to do. The world expects parenthood to be natural and easy, but for me it’s never been either of these things. Even though I approach parenting with the same calm confidence I approach most things, at the end of the day I often feel like I must be missing something or making some huge glaring mistake. From what I’ve seen and heard from other parents these feelings are apparently natural, but some days there’s little comfort to be had from that fact.
Holden is having a hard time in preschool since we got back from winter break. He’s had “meltdowns” at school all week and today they even called me to have me pick him up early (which didn’t happen since my phone didn’t ring for some reason, but that’s beside the point). The teacher went on and on about how he doesn’t seem to be able to cope when something doesn’t go his way and she even asked if he’s been tested by the special-ed department at any point. All I could do was shake my head and try not to cry. The issue here isn’t with Holden’s ability to learn, but with his ability to behave. The main problem seems to be whenever Holden feels like the teacher isn’t doing something the “correct” way (like if she starts on a different side of the room one day).
I’m going to go to school with him tomorrow, but I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do. For the most part Holden is a really easy kid. He eats well, sleeps well, and picks up his toys when we tell him. Besides this issue, there’s really nothing I can complain about (so I guess something was bound to happen). I’ve tried talking to him about his behavior and even taken away certain toys, but I don’t know what the next step is. When the teacher saw how much she was upsetting me she stepped it down a notch and made sure I knew Holden wasn’t the only kid with problems adjusting to school, but that doesn’t really help me. And as much as I feel like an ass for admitting it, the possibility of having a special needs child scares me in a way I wouldn’t expect.
Part of me wants to brush the teacher’s complaints off or minimize her concerns, but I have seen a difference in the way Holden behaves since we got back from California. Holden needs a lot of structure and that was shot to hell on vacation. Plus he got spoiled ridiculously and was carted around all over town every day. I’m going to send him to bed earlier today and see if that makes a difference, but I doubt it’ something so simple (I’m not that lucky). I just want Holden to be happy and healthy. Finding out how to make that happen is the problem.
Update: I went to Holden's class today and nothing happened. Nothing. The teacher also told me she talked to the Special Ed Department and they thought Holden's behavior is a normal adjustment period kids often go through. Both of these things lead me to believe the teacher was probably just frustrated and exaggerated a bit when she spoke to me. I am still focusing on making sure Holden isn't over stimulated, but the world doesn't seem so bleak today. The teachers have also focused on making sure the kids have plenty of warning when it's time to transition to another activity since Holden is a bit of a stickler when it comes to the schedule. I'm going to sit in Monday morning to see if the weekend causes any problems, but everything was fine today. Fingers crossed it stays that way.