Are you tired of being unsure as to whether or not it's inappropriate to blame a rape victim for their own rape? Does it seem unfair at times that you can't make even the tiniest racist joke without upsetting people? Well, I'm here to let you know that help with all of these burning questions has finally come at last. Based on simple observation of the slightly unsettling world of douche bags all around us, my new series of tips will aid you in your quest to not be a shitty person.
Tip #1: Do not blame rape victims for being raped. Do not allude to rape victims that they could have done more to have prevented being raped. Do not try to "empower" women by being patronizing and telling them that if they had only followed your sage advice then none of those bad things would have happened. (I know it's hard to understand, but those silly women actually believe that they are capable of thinking for themselves.) Do not try and claim that because something happened to you, being mugged or losing first place in your 8th grade science competition, you have some kind of authority on what rape victims must be going through. And if you're even thinking about using the word "slut" or "whore" or wondering what the victim was wearing, then you should stop typing/talking and give yourself a moderate, but firm, slap across the face. In fact, if when talking to a rape victim you find you've already used up your daily allowance of empathy and am finding it hard to be sympathetic, then just don't say anything at all. I promise it's okay to just shut the fuck up sometimes.
Hope you enjoyed the first installment of "How Not to Be a Shitty Person!" More tips will be posted as necessity demands it. Thank you!