I don't know what it is about today, but vile people are getting to me more then usual. So I'm gonna talk about something that makes me happy - creating things.
Some of you may know that I like to paint. (I refuse to call myself an artist because there is just something pretentious about it I think.) For me, being creative is part of who I am as a person and I am almost always in the middle of making something. I tend to go through phases where I paint or craft or scrapbook, but I almost never stop completely making things. In fact, I can't even understand how some people aren't creative. It just seems weird to me.
When I was younger I used to draw and color a lot. I also got really big on making collages and have always altered my clothes. For a while, I did let life get in the way and I stopped making things for the most part. What really got me back into the grove of things was getting pregnant and getting fired. With all the extra time on my hands I started scrapbooking Holden's baby book and never looked back. After I moved to Utah I decided I wanted to start painting. My first attempts are pretty appalling to me now, but I slowly got better.
I am so embarrassed to post this, but this is my first painting (sorry the picture is really bad as well):
Seriously, you can't even imagine how bad I want to delete this photo. The things I do for you people.
Lately I've started to feel like I'm starting to come into my own though. It took me a while to accept that I don't need to worry about doing things the "right" way in order to feel validated in what I make.
I decided to make this picture for the daughter of one of Ryan's friends and coworkers:
I wasn't sure how it would be received, but they ended up loving it. Ashley, Abby's mom, liked it so much she took it to work in fact. Now I've been commissioned by a lovely woman to make some pictures for her. I've only finished the first one (out of four), but I can't explain the complete elation I felt to know someone out there is willing to actually pay for me to do what I love.
So maybe I'll never be able to support myself with the random picture, but it sure did make my day. I had convinced myself long ago that I just don't have what it takes to earn any money by creating things. And while I definitely still feel like a fraud some of the time, other times I'm just proud. And infinitely happy.