Today I woke up to the unpleasant reality that my cable and internet connection had run away to join the circus with all the other junk that seems to go randomly missing in my house. And I know there are more pressing matters in the world like starvation and war, but I don't like it when the house is too quiet. Even if I'm reading I need to have the t.v. on in the background. The weird part is the sound doesn't even need to be on. It's like the flickering image in my peripheral adds enough visual sound to keep me happy.
I think this is what happens when you're raised around a lot of siblings.
When I first moved in with my perpetually absent girlfriend Serena, I realized how much I need to be around other people. Don't get me wrong, I like my alone time as much as anyone else. But there is something deeply satisfying about having a house full of loved one's to come home to. Working all day to come home to a cold lifeless house unnerves me in a way I can't fully explain. (Anyone else like this?)
Anyhoo, I had already decided that I was going to stay off the internet for the most part today (I can't go without checking my email though...it's like an addiction) but the fact that I couldn't get online made it almost unbearable. It was like this incessant buzzing in the back of my mind that I couldn't squash. Even reading a good book and eating lemon cupcakes with strawberry frosting couldn't keep my mind off of it.
And really, that's what prompted me to write this rambling post. I don't understand what it is that makes it so I can't just let go of things and move on. The bigger challenges of my life are nothing compared to the silly argument I get into online or the inability to check my email. It's like my mind refuses to let go of these things and it drives me freggin bonkers. Sometimes I find myself spending too much time online and I feel like it not only makes it easier for me to get too caught up in what random people I don't even know think, but it also makes me more likely to neglect my real time relationships. And that's not what I want. I'm obsessing over things that aren't worth more then a single thought and it makes me realize that I probably should start looking for a summer job before I go completely insane.
So yeah, this post was kind of pointless but I feel better for typing out my thoughts.