Friday, May 28, 2010

Young Women and Sexuality

I just read an interesting post over at Jezebel about Kendra Wilkinson's sex video. Upfront I want to say that I haven't seen the video nor do I plan on it. I like porn at much as the next person, but private videos that become public make me extremely uncomfortable.

I loved this part so much though I thought it deserved re-posting:
It's that space where young women have discovered and perfected their sexuality and its value, but haven't yet figured out how it's empowering. They just know that it's something people want from them; it's something people expect from them. Something young men expect from them; something, perhaps, that young men haven't learned how to ask for politely. It's uncomfortable and new and everybody's learning, and what happens, more often than not, is that the male partner's desires come first and more forcefully, and the young woman is disrespected and disempowered and left with a sense that she's less valuable and less capable of demanding respect and control than her male counterpart - a sense that lingers into her twenties and beyond, even though she might not recognize it as such.
I think a lot of women will be able to relate to these feelings. As one commentator said, "Its that line between knowing you're desired, and deriving power from that, and feeling the sadness of being desired only for your sexuality, and as a result handing that power back to your (often male) partner."

Just food for thought.


  1. I agree that a lot of young girls feel pressured to have sex, or merely think it's a way to make a guy like them.
    But, guys aren't too hip to the powers of their sexuality at a yung age either.

    Us older fellas know a tiny bit more, just a tiny bit though ;-)

  2. I struggle with this feeling a lot. It's why I take my naked photos down, and then put them back up, then take them down again. It's why sometimes I write about my sex life, and other times I stop.

    I get power and validation from being desired, but I become frustrated when I feel like people only want me for the sex stuff. I get angry when I feel like no one wants to hear what I have to say.

    So yeah... I relate to that struggle a lot.

  3. ...

    You'd kind of love to despise this guy:

  4. OK, I just looked at that link from Simon's comment. I was curious because I thought this post was really interesting. All I can really say is that is one sick puppy. Won't be looking at that again.

    Love the quote from Jezebel. Totally true in my opinion. And that's why I love to see how my female friends have evolved from their 20s to their 30s and 40s. The bs around sex that might linger in the 20s vanishes. Some of us just need a little more time to figure it out.

  5. Simon: I agree with Star Mama. That guy is so ridiculous I couldn't even muster up the energy to be annoyed. Someone should let him know that Tucker Max already has the douche-baggery under control.

    Mac: It must be difficult for young men to deal with their sexuality as well, but I think it's different for women since so much of our value is derived from how much we are desired and/or our sexuality. Of course, I'm not a guy so I totally acknowledge that I may be acting dismissive of the issues young men deal with. I've always found it strange how we expect young men to have all this sexual prowess when most are just as clueless as everyone else (of coruse I think the fact we push young girls to be passive is part of the problem).

  6. Agreed.
    I think young males definitely have it easier than females.

    The double standard works in our favor for sure. Not only is it acceptable for males to have multiple sexual conquests, it's often encouraged.
    We'll hear, "That's my boy. He's such a lady's man." However, girls with similar experience levels are looked down upon... Of course, not by me ;-)


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