Friday, May 21, 2010

Dating Advice Blows

I was really bored last night, so I decided to read the article "Things I Wish I'd Known About Dating When I was 21" that yahoo had on its front page. I don't know what it is about dating advice, but it's kind of like watching a train wreck. I just can't look away. It's probably worse considering most of you know that I'm not even dating, but we all have to get our kicks somehow right?

First off, I love how these sorts of things are always called "rules." Like this one person's personal experiences are so much more valid than anyone elses that they transcend the advice of us blubbering peons and enter the upper echelon of rule-hood.

Here are some of my favorites:
4. Don't help him ask you out by texting him something nice or polite. I'm glad you're more outgoing and thoughtful than he is, but he doesn't want the help.

5. Guys want to get busy more than anything. They'll say anything to close the deal.

7. It's better not to lift a finger in the beginning.

12. Learn to cook. Learn to cook well. I see now that it would have won me a lot of points. A LOT.

23. No boyfriend-girlfriend relationship starts with a 1 a.m. text.

24. When a guy has taken you to Applebee's five times and you say you want to treat him, he'll be psyched. But secretly he'll freak out if you take him to Ruth's Chris, even just the one teeny time. Don't try to match him one Ruth's Chris for five Applebee's. Take him out, but go to T.G.I. Friday's.

25. Women love attention. A guy needs to be pretty crazy about you in order for him to pay enough attention to make you happy long-term.

26. My mom always said, "Men don't think." I thought she meant, "They are mistaken in their thoughts." But they're just not thinking anything at all. About you. They're watching the game. That's why they haven't called.

28. Never underestimate the quality of "interesting." Men want someone interesting. They really do. Find some hobbies.

29. What are you hoping to gain by hooking up with this guy? If the answer is "him," that's a bad deal for you. "The woman gives herself, the man adds to himself by taking her" (de Beauvoir, 659).

30. Expectations? They'll ruin every dating experience you have.

31. You will never understand men. Just try to understand yourself.
Once again, us easily confounded women need to never give it up, lower our standards, have no expectations, and find a man that will allow us to be the attention seeking whores we all are. Passivity is the rule as always and don't ever try to understand your partner ladies. Your brains just aren't capable of the rational thinking it requires. But really, is this what we need to hear? I'm not convinced that dating advice actually helps anyone. Each person is different and needs different things. I just don't see how the opinion of one chick is supposed to help strangers on the internet.

The best dating advice I ever heard was actually from a comedian. He said just be the weird crazy fuck you really are and eventually someone will love you because of it instead of in spite of it (or something like that). That is some advice I can get behind. Rules about what restaurant to choose and what time to text at no so much.

5 comments:

  1. Wait... WHAT?

    Don't help him ask you out by texting him something nice or polite. I'm glad you're more outgoing and thoughtful than he is, but he doesn't want the help.

    Um... maybe he's unsure if you're interested and needs a hint or a sign?

    It's better not to lift a finger in the beginning.

    Act as DISINTERESTED as possible. He'll DEFINITELY pursue you then!

    No boyfriend-girlfriend relationship starts with a 1 a.m. text.

    FALSE.

    I came across this stellar article the other day: 53 secrets girls don't want guys to know.

    Number 1? "When we get whistled at in the street, we feel uncomfortable and we’ll always tut and roll our eyes. But we’re awesomely flattered and we’d be gutted if it stopped."

    YES, SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS MY FAVE.

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  2. These rules were writen by someone's grandmother anyway.
    Of course, in Grandma's day, no one texted at 1am...or anytime, for that matter.
    No girl would ever pay for dinner...unless she wanted to be thought of as an equal.

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  3. Brit: That is seriously disturbing.

    Mac: I totally agree. If a man's delicate ego can't handle being treated to a nice dinner because he treated at Applebee's then it's no great loss.

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  4. I'd let ya buy me dinner ;-)

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  5. All in the name of gender equality right? lol

    ReplyDelete

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