Monday, December 14, 2009

In which our heroine ponders school and the future

You know those days where you’re pouring creamer into your coffee or vacuuming up dog hair (or insert any other mundane task around the house here) and suddenly life just slaps you in the face? Like all of a sudden you realize you have no freggin clue what the fuck you should be doing with your life? It’s the stark realization that you’re just taking up space and you feel like you need to do something with your life right this second or you’ll fade into obscurity with all the other unremarkable members of our species.

No?

It’s just that lately I’ve felt so redundant and I can’t help but look around at my life sometimes and wonder what I have to show for myself. I’m not the type of person where being a mom or a wife is enough for me (though sometimes I wish I were). Being back in school has made me realize that I’m missing a sense of accomplishment in my life. There are so many things that I want out of life that I can’t help but seize up with fear sometimes that none of them are ever going to happen.

Wow. I have no idea where all this is coming from (damn you fingers). This whole post was supposed to be about the fact that I’m almost positive I’ve decided on a major (though I’ve changed my mind so many times that I still can’t bring myself to say I’m sure). I guess it’s left me feeling a bit pensive about the future and life in general. I’ve also been struggling with this blog and questioning if I’m really happy with the effort I’ve put in. Though I definitely was at one point, I’m not sure anymore.

Anyways, I’m planning on majoring in Gender Studies (which, at least at the University I plan on attending, is essentially a combination of Women’s and LGBT studies). My brain almost exploded from all the awesomeness it includes and, even though Ryan threatened to move out for the semester I take “advanced feminist theories,” I don’t know if there is a better suited set of classes to be found.

And though you’d think finding a major would bring me some comfort, but it’s left me wondering about the future instead. I just don’t know.

2 comments:

  1. I decided that instead of getting my doctorate in psych, I'm gonna do it in women's or gender studies. Looking at the curriculum nearly made my brain explode with excitement!

    I have a Master's degree and I still have (many) moments where I have no freaking clue what I'm doing, where I'm going, or where I'll end up. It's entirely normal. Hooray existential angst!

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  2. I know, the curriculum is just beautiful. :)

    I think that is one of the dangers of school too. If I didn’t have to focus on getting starting in a career right away I’d probably stay in school forever. lol But kudos to you chicka and thanks!

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