Thursday, December 24, 2009

In which our heroine answers random questions

I'm going through all the shit on my computer and I came across this meme I did forever ago. I don’t usually do these, but I thought this one was particularly interesting and I was probably bored as hell.

Plus it’s Christmas Eve and who knows if anyone will even be around these parts today. Enjoy.

When do you feel the most vulnerable?

This might seem silly to some people, but I would say I feel the most vulnerable at job interviews. Even though I talk to people easily I can’t help but feel like I’m a performing monkey on stage.

Other than sex, what is the most intimate moment you have with your partner?

I think our comfortable silences are the most intimate thing we share with one another.

What is the number one doubt you have about yourself?

That I’m not smart enough. I’ve always been considered the “smart” one out of my friends. It eventually became suffocating in its own way. I suppose all expectations are that way though.

What is your biggest motivation to get out of bed each morning?

Nothing in particular really gets me going every day. Even in the most heart breaking moments, I just enjoy living. I can’t do that from my bed. (Well, at least not always.) Plus some one's got to feed the brood.

How do you feel when you contemplate your own death?

I don’t really feel anything. I guess more than anything I’m curious, but it's not something I concern myself too much with.

Do you have someone in your life you can literally tell "anything" to? Are they your best friend? Why or why not?

I don’t really get into the “best friend” idea. All my friends are the best. I don’t waste my time on half-hearted people. If I don’t trust a person then they’re not my friend. It’s really as simple as that. I know that may sound cold to some people but its just practicality. Because of that, I can tell anything I like to my friends.

How often do you feel like crying? Why?

I don’t cry very often in my day to day life but for some reason any touching book or movie can make me weep like a baby. It’s a little ridiculous and often times terribly embarrassing. I’ve cried while reading at work and I even cried watching freggin Herby. I swear it’s a curse.

How do you feel after your anger gets the best of you?

Regretful. I tend to say things that are too truthful. It’s hard to forgive people who use the truth as a weapon. Luckily, I don't get angry very often.

What words would best describe your mind and the conversations you have with yourself?

Sarcastic and self deprecating. I also find myself to be quite hilarious and laugh at loud (for what appears to be no apparent reason) more often than I should. At least as long as I want to maintain the appearance of sanity.

How much trust can you rightfully place on those you love?

If someone answers this question with anything less than “it all,” I think that love should be reconsidered.

What event in your life can you recall that seemed to "stop time?"

What a shame, I can’t think of any. (Though I swear that night I had a bad trip after eating some mushrooms lasted an eternity.)

What could you do to make your relationship with your significant other better?

I could be softer and more yielding. I could be a little less selfish and not go chasing after the world. Maybe one day I’ll learn to open up the piece of myself I keep only for myself. Though, I don’t know if I would still be the same person if I could do those things.

What would you change about yourself if it was easy?

I would be nicer. I’m just not one of those nice people. I mean I get along with people fine, but I’m pretty bitchy. I would also care less. The more I learn about the world the more I hate it, but I can’t stop myself from seeking more ugly truths.

Why do you do "self destructive" things to yourself? (Drinking, Drugs, Smoking, Starving, Cutting, Loving those that don't show you love, etc…)

I think its human nature to put ourselves through bad things sometimes. Beyond that though, I think I’m surprisingly well turned out for my circumstances. My habit of introspection has mostly stopped me from any outlandishly destructive behavior.

How does your mind protect you from feeling like a failure?

Misdirection?

What idea or person, even in your darkest moments, can make you smile? How do they manage to give you hope?

I relish my darkest moments. For some reason we’re taught it’s wrong to be unhappy but for me I cultivate that place inside me. It’s where my art comes from and I think it’s beautiful in its on way. Plus hope is its own gift. (Obviously I'm not talking about depression or anything of that nature. I just feel like we're made to feel like something is wrong with us if we're not perfectly happy with our lives.)

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