Comment regarding a “nice guy’s” perspective on sexism

I read a really great response regarding whether or not this commercial is sexist on tumblr and I wanted to post it here.

Some basic background: feedmeastraycat doesn’t think the commercial is sexist and posted a response to the people who disagreed with him. This is part of Above the Fold’s response to that response. I don't want to post the whole conversation, but if you follow the first link you can read feedmeastraycat's whole argument as to why this isn't sexist. Even though I am only interested in Above the fold's response, I don't want to misrepresent what anyone is saying so I thought I should include exactly what Above the fold is responding too.

I really hope that all made sense. (None of the emphasis is mine.)

feedmeastraycat: To say that you’re against sexism, only to follow it by questioning my character and respect towards women solely because I’m a man is a prime example of sexism. Before you try to define my life and views any further, let me tell you a little about myself as a man. I’ve never hit a woman, I’ve never degraded or assaulted a woman, I’ve never condoned either of those things and I’ve made an effort to encourage people to learn more about the sickness of sexism and what they can do to stop it. I’m not an ape, I have the same brain and heart that a female has, and I haven’t watched or cared about a sports game since I was a child.

Above the Fold: Seriously guy? This is bullshit. Let me tell you something, man-to-man. The fact that you or I haven’t beat a woman? That counts for nothing. The fact that you and I have even been so good as to be nice to a woman when it wasn’t strictly called for? That’s not enough to qualify you (or me, or anyone) as a non-arsehole. You know why? Because women get that stuff for free. It’s a matter of course. It’s not something that requires a special effort and a pat on the back for us, every time we do it. “You know what, I have been on the road dozens of times, and I never once deliberately tail-ended someone, and even when someone else blew their horn when they got cut off, I totally agreed with a nod and sympathetic look”. The whole problem that feminism looks at is that the experience of being a woman just isn’t judged as being important or noteworthy. But hey, us guys, look at us, right? We’re nice to people for no reason! Doesn’t that make us great!

Here’s the dirty secret: nice, polite, friendly, politically progressive guys like you and me can reinforce and perpetuate sexism, in fact we often do. So let’s stop pretending that we have some sort of free pass because of our inherent niceness and instead when a woman says “you are behaving in a way that supports sexism” respect her perspective. Because your perspective on sexism? My perspective on feminism? Feminists don’t have to respect it. That’s not how it works because, uhh, we’re not women. So talking about how important it is that feminists “respect” our ‘oh, but as a really nice man I think sexism is bad’ perspective is just bullshit.

I know that was a lot of effort to post a comment some random guy made on the interwebs, but I thought it was perfectly summed up. Many men are quick to dismiss complaints about sexism from women without realizing that that easy dismissal is part of the very problem feminists are fighting to change. I’ve also noticed that some men are bothered by the idea that they are not in a position of authority on this subject. (It’s similar to how white people are quick to say racism is dead or some other nonsense about how talking about racism only perpetuates racism.) Because of that, I am always happy when I read an eloquent response from men to that very line of thought (that men’s opinions about sexism are somehow more valid then women’s).

Update: I just had to add this youtube comment by Haloofculrs:

“I will get up an hour earlier than you so I can shower, make breakfast and get the kids ready before you even get up, I will make some fruit for your breakfast so you can stay healthy and alive, I will shave almost my entire body for you and pay someone to rip hairs out of my most sensitive parts, I will work 24 hours a day, every day, I will sit through 2-hour midnight feedings, I will let it roll off my back when I’m treated differently in my workplace. I will work just as hard as my colleagues but make much less than half of them, I will say yes (most of the time) even when I don’t feel like it, I will take your call, I will listen to your mindless chattering about sports, I will listen to your friends mindless chattering about sports, I will be civil to your mother, I will usually ignore it when you leave the seat up (again), I will go see The Fast and The Furious 27: Badass Tricycles with you…

A Brighter Shade of Red

I saw this post over at Jezebel that featured this magazine cover and I nearly swooned:



I've already talked about how freaking adorable Kathryn Prescott is, but I seriously need to have my hair this red color.



I bet it's a pain in the ass to maintain though and I'm too cheap to pay anyone to do it for me. Where there's a will there's a way though right? I am also diggin the makeup in the magazine picture and hopefully I can find a better pic so I can recreate it.

Bill O'Reilly Interviews Jon Stewart

This is actually a pretty good interview. I know it's long, but the edited version is useless.

The Top Tax Rate (political cartoon)

Someone I follow on tumblr posted this and I thought it was great:



A little perspective indeed.

Beyond Lindsey Vonn's Sports Illustrated Cover

I saw a post on the yahoo frontpage about the Lindsey Vonn Sports Illustrated cover that kind of bothered me for some reason.

Vonn's semi-provocative pose has drawn the predictable ire from those who claim that it objectifies her. She's an athlete, not a sex symbol, the chorus inevitably reminds us. They have a point in taking issue with SI; the magazine rarely features women athletes on the cover and its annual swimsuit issue has been a focus of protests for decades. But Vonn's cover is different.

The pose at least resembles the tuck stance skiers like Vonn take when barrelling down the hill. It's exaggerated, of course, but not gratuitously so. It's not as if SI put her in a bikini in a Whistler hot tub.

Also, this is Vonn's moment. If she wins multiple golds in Vancouver, Vonn has the potential to become a major crossover star. She'd be like Michael Phelps, only with better looks and an actual personality. Landing on the SI cover is a good way for her to start the Vonn saturation campaign. It's as important for her as it is the magazine. The pose is suggestive, sure, but it's not objectifying. The headline reads "America's best woman skier ever", for Jean-Claude's sake! Why can't she be both the best skier in the world and really, really attractive too? Tom Brady's a great athlete and a handsome dude and I don't hear people whine when he's shirtless in GQ.

Most importantly, this cover is almost identical to the one that ran on SI's Winter Olympic preview in 1992. That one featured a gentleman named A.J. Kitt and I'm pretty sure nobody was complaining about that one being too provocative.

I guess what’s irritating me is the idea that us humorless feminists are just waiting in the wings for the opportunity to ruin everyone’s special moment by pointing out that something may be sexist. For one, the author only links to two different places where Vonn’s cover is talked about and one of those links merely asks the question as to whether or not a male athlete would pose for a picture like this. Seems a bit disingenuous to me. For two, the fact that the media treats male and female athletes differently is no big secret. This is something that Sociological Images has talked about this time and time (and time) again.

The ironic thing is I don’t even care too much about Vonn’s picture (if you remember I didn’t care about the Palin Runner’s World cover brouhaha either). It just seems like such a small thing to get so worked up over (which is ridiculous coming from me since anything can make me screech like a dying banshee if I’m in one of my moods). I would much rather focus on why only 4% of all SI covers have portrayed women in the last 60 years (according to the link). That seems like a much bigger issue then whether or not Vonn is too bent over.

The authors point, “Why can't she be both the best skier in the world and really, really attractive too” is what bothered me the most though because it's a completele misrepresentation of the other sides argument in an attempt to boost his own. The people who question things like this do not do so because the people being photographed happen to be attractive. That’s not the point. I also hate how male athletes are compared to female athletes (“Tom Brady's a great athlete and a handsome dude and I don't hear people whine when he's shirtless in GQ”) without any concession to the blatant fact that men and women are not treated the same by the media.


If you haven't seen this video I don't think we can be friends. Watch it.

The author does make a valid point that A.J. Kitt had a very similar picture on the front of Sports Illustrated in 1992, but that doesn’t invalidate the fact that male and female athletes are treated very differently by our media. (I would also argue that Kitt’s picture is actually a lot different then Vonn’s since his appears to have been taken while actually skiing and hers looks like she was posed in that manner.)